Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
