he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
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