Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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