I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
