What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
