he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
