if i can run in heels then i can drive
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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