At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
