Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
My pussy is not your playground.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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