hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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