Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
