God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
