Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
