worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
