Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
