Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
