tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
