Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Randomize
