I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
