my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
