i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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