i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
