Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
