I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
