I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Randomize
