If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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