do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
