he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
im holly from the hills drunk
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
