I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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