i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
