How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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