woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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