God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Randomize
