I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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