I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
