I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
