we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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