I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
