there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
home. puking in laundry basket.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
