i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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