Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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