I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
