I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
