I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Randomize
