why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
