tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
