I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Pants are for mortals
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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