haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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