I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
