wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
My vagina just clenched in fear
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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