I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
