It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
