My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
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