so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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